It's Time To Start Living......

It was a hot sultry day in Mumbai and you know how it is in Mumbai just before when the rains are about to set in. On the seventh floor of IIT Mumbai hostel me and Imran, my buddy for studies at IIT were deeply engrossed in our presentations and  synopsis for mid term project. After a tiring session of mental slogging I took a short cigarette break, those days I used to smoke and  such fatigue sessions would often increase your appetite for fag. A night prior I had a bit mild grade fever and ever since morning the temperature was bit on the rise, but I kept neglecting the body call in pursuit to match up with the academic pressure. I took a sigh of relief of having finished my task, it was then I realized that I had stretched bit too far and I asked Imran to just check on me,  if I was having fever. He said "it appears fever is bit too high and your body is burning". as the gripping pain in the body had  begun,  I then told him" I would leave for my home", also I used to stay 3 Km from IIT  so it was a preferred call to go home and rest.  Imran said " will you be able to manage your Enfield and  if  required I could accompany you till home" . My manly ego took a front seat and I replied " 'Bullet wale' can manage  bike in all situations". I said "not required I will be able to manage" . As we descended in the hostel lift from seventh to ground floor my condition was deteriorating exponentially and I could realize I will not be able to manage 300Kg Enfield. I said " Imran I will not ride the bike, lets look for an auto". In the hostel only the return autos were available, but it used to take about 5 to 10 minutes before one could spot any return auto. When we spotted one there were people waiting before us , but looking at me they said " you first". with each passing minute my pain increased and I could realize that it will not be wise for me to travel  alone and I asked Imran to accompany me. Imran too was zapped with the changing and  worsening state of mine. When we went in to the auto Imran had a suggestion that it will be a good idea to visit IIT Hospital. I told him I will be fine once I am home and take some rest. As the Auto zip passed the long stretches of IIT roads, the pain continued to tighten it's  fist within  my complete body,  by now I was also perplexed and did not know what was happening to me, I began loosing confidence in my sense's judgement and bodily strength. Let me tell you when you begin to lose confidence in your senses the fear of unknown sets in and in my case it was coupled with deep pain. Well now I decided and told Imran  " we are now not going to my home, instead take the auto to the Hiranadani Hospital" which was  one of the best in that area on the way to home ,further  I did not have any other option, when I weighed the Hiranadani Hospital visa vis the IIT, I found it to be the  choice of the moment. Remembering the comrades I  called up my senior Sapan sir , asked him to rush to Hiranandani hospital and he should carry his wallet with credit card though I was carrying mine to meet  any extravagant  expenditure in the corporate hosp. You know how it is in these corporate hospitals, money is more valued than humane thing. I cautioned sir not to tell anything to my wife as she would get worried and I myself was not clear what was happening to me. My mind was baffled up with the fog of uncertainties yet to unfold.  As me and Imran  reached the Hospital, guy at the reception informed me that there was no vacant bed in the emergency.  I don't know it was what kind of  urgency being created at the hospital end, but that was not required as I was already in a state more emergent than the hospital could have projected. I told the reception guy in my pain struck husky voice" I don't need the bed, I need treatment , I will lie on the floor and pay you the charges in full, but I am not going anywhere else as I am not in a state to move  even a single step" by now it was hard for me to even stand and  talk. Understanding that any further delay could be detrimental and he could be accountable for it, the ignorant man at reception called for the stretcher and moved me to the emergency,  I asked the doctor as to what had happened to me, I told him " more than the fever, it was this gripping pain in the entire body that was unbearable". He told me" I was running high grade fever 104 degrees". He asked  my consent for certain emergent tests and I told him " do whatever you want to, but get me rid of this pain"  The doctor on duty was probably a  new intern and wanted to consult a senior, so he said to me "I guess we need a specialist opinion, wait I will call for a specialist on call" . It was my luck the specialist was present in the hospital and came in a few minutes. After a bit of examination she said we would be giving you an injection, if my diagnosis is right then you would get relief from this pain with in 15 to 20  minutes and subsequently we will tackle the fever. Let me tell you, it happened exactly the way doctor had told, I was relieved of the pain  and fever also came down in matter of next three to four  hours and I then was fit to go home. My all reports came normal. In my follow up I asked the doctor “ what had happened to me?”  To which she said "probably it was a self limiting viral infection with high grade fever which disturbed your body salt balance, it could have turned serious in case it had not been restored in time." But what exactly it was, probably she could also not  tell me.

But let me tell you, whatever it was, it shook me from inside. The life had taken a full u turn between  seventh floor to ground floor and then landing in the hospital.  I almost felt it like being run out in the middle overs of the game called life. It was then I realized" what was the meaning of  life, which we all take it for granted"
.  Hats  off !! to all the doctors who actually make the difference to life, no other profession can be as noble as that of a doctor, it can only be understood by the person who has faced the situation of uncertainty. Though I am masters in the Medical Engineering and understand the equipment that saves life, yet cannot save any, given an opportunity , I would like to be a doctor to understand this finest machine in the world called human body.

Many Manifestations Have No Answers

It has been eleven years since this incident happened. It's still fresh in the my memories and deeply ingrained in my thoughts and I think it would ever remain till I would live.  I thought of penning it down for it to go down in the annals of time for future generations to know that "many things don't have  answers". On 26 Mar 2008 I had lost my father in  AF Hospital, it was a silent tragic cardiac arrest which took him away from us. The last rites could not be performed as we all were still waiting for my brother to fetch up from Srinagar. It had been two days since we had lost him, I decided to visit the AF Hospital to meet the doctor to find out what had actually happened on that day, as the things had  unfolded in a manner beyond my comprehension. When I reached the Hospital, I parked our car at the preferred place of parking under the shade of a banyan tree, which was our preferred place for parking because of it's shade. Having met the doctor, when I was returning, I looked at the ICU, where I had left my father last and at the same time I had a strong feeling from inside that " I am here my son and the car will not start". I don't know how and why I got this thought, but  somehow this was the strongest  feeling, I would have ever had in my life for any thing. While going through all these thoughts, I reached at the car in the parking, as I reached out for the key and fixed it in the ignition hole, my heart was not wanting the car to start to acknowledge my Dad's presence,  but I knew feelings have no place in the realm of physical world and my mind  was not in agreement to to the feelings. As I cranked the  engine, it went blank as though no power. I tried it twice thrice and the result was same, I did not know, what was happening, I opened the bonnet of car and checked for leads and fuses, all appeared to be intact, I made another attempt but in vain.  Not able to understand what was happening, I took out my mobile and called up my cousin to fetch a mechanic. About an hour later cousin came with the  mechanic and fixed the fault. On my inquiry he told me that there was no fault, he just tightened the battery post terminals. But I knew what had happened which defied all logics of the world but I didn't share it with him, because I did not know how to explain and hence I kept silent. Though Hindu mythology states that till the last rites are done the soul remains attached to the world but being an engineer my mind contradicts to ask can souls manifest actions in the physical world, its a question that remains unanswered, left part of the brain logic center says it can't be, but the right side of the brain emotional center says there are enough examples in the world which even greatest scientists have not been able to answer despite of their years of experience.

My  brother arrived that evening and I shared this experience with him. Next day we had to go and get father's body for last rites, I along with my brother and elder cousin brother had gone in his Mahendra Bolero to do official formalities at the Hospital. On my return from Administrative block of Hospital, a similar thing happened, I came across the ICU and the feeling again struck me " I am there and the car will not start" , incidentally the  cousin's Bolero, I had got it parked at same place as that of yesterday under the banyan tree in parking. From the distance I signaled my cousin to get the vehicle towards me as the paper work had been done, he acknowledged my signal, however there was no movement of his vehicle, after about a minute  or so of wait, I walked up to him and my cousin said " vehicle is not starting"  I was far too sure that it was Dad around, I knew it can not be explained by any law of science but as a son I could feel him around. It was this place that I left him last and there were many things, I still had to cherish with him, God took away that chance from me a bit early, I am not saying that  there is ever a right time for it, but probably I feel, I deserved a bit more.  A little later the vehicle started and my cousin informed me that it was a loose connection at  battery terminal, but in heart of heart I knew again that what it was. The vehicle started and we left AF Hospital, leaving behind the memories and feeling dad's presence for the last time and "knowing that many things can't be explained, they can only be felt". 

After that incident I had been to the AF Hospital numerous times with my mother and parked the car at the same place and not even once, that I ever got that feel again. I am sure his pious soul is resting somewhere in the peace or in a new form started the journey to life all over again.